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Unto existence.

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Unto existence.

Post by TrashtheRabbitGod on Sat Mar 15, 2014 5:59 pm

Since we all seem to be doing this, let us all join into story time. Or trendsheep. I'm not sure how to put this.
I was born into a big family. Sort of. I have no brothers or sisters, except for a step sister I have never met, or I have no memories regarding her. Rolling Eyes 
Anyways. When I was born there were immediate issues. I had suffocation problems, and I needed to be put in one of those cage-things, so I could therefore live. And which I did. Either that, or all I know to be life today, is LIMBO.
Already is caused issues for my parents. Not that they don't love me. They do. But it cause depression, and I spent a long time at my grandparents due to that. Once it ended, when I was about 8 months old, childhood began.
I don't remember much, other than, I never grew up having neighborhood friends, or parties. Just, with cousins, or two kids who were older than me. Otherwise, I was either learning, playing, practicing, etc. I'm not sure if that is unusual, but from what I know, it's not. Anyways, it all went well. I never went to pre-school, so that caused my childhood to be a little unusual, and lonely. But nothing I noticed. Then I finally started school, and automatically, things went wrong.
I only spent the first 3 months in my school, before the fights at my house got pretty severe. Nothing physical, other than breaking doors, glasses, etc. I was used to it. I watched it go on most of my life. If my mother wasn't exhausted, or sleeping, she was up and about upset about something. Then, finally, they were separated. They didn't get in trouble, and my father ended up getting custody, but after which, I was sent to my grandparents to love there.
School started, I went about being a child, Nature's first green is gold. Innocent, friendly, that sort of thing. I made friends, it was nice. I came about two pretty great friends, who I still talk to today. They are hella rad, which is nice. We befriended each other because of some pretty embarrassing things, looking back.
One of them was loud, outgoing, he was always full on energy, and excitement, and always knew how to keep me on my feet.
Another, she was the exact opposite. An antonym. Quiet, shy, but very understanding at an emotional level.
I had other friends, and we all kept together in our small, outcast group. We played make believe, and such. I miss it a lot.
At one point in my life, I think I became excessively triggered by who knows what, and I'd break down, or get extremely sick, to the point I needed a therapist? I don't remember much, but I cringe at the memories I do have. I'd rather not go over it.
Anyways, more time passed, and I loved my life with my grandparents, and school. My grandparents had a giant house, a pool, backyard, it was all great. At one point, my mom stopped contacting me for some whiny reason that was pathetic.
Then, the time came, before 5th grade, we had to leave. This struck my entire family down. It had 40 years of memories, and we'd always have parties there, and there was just so much there. It affected my grandmother the most.
I had to move with my dad, and so did my grandparents, and so began 5th grade. I was more acquainted with grown up subjects, and I began forming this sort of shell. I tried not to let on childlike, as I was before. I also joined ROBLOX, well, I did in 4th grade, but I used it more in 5th with my friends. It was to keep in contact with my old friends. It also sparked new things such as, *GASPS* People aren't all pedophiles like adults used to brainwash me into thinking!
It was nice. I met a few friends at my new school, as well as, I became bullied. It was new to me. I had realized I had not handled things like that, or I had learned to deal with them. I already knew about trifles like sex, drugs, alcohol, murder, but harassment? No. No. Bullying? Nope.
It also became the peak where school got hard. I was new to this.
It doesn't matter anyways, it's mere children stuff.
Over the summer, I began writing. I also met some really great friends over ROBLOX. We talked a lot. I was finally beginning to mold a start to adolescence, etc.
Then we move onto 6th, where I was dropped into new things. I was bullied again. It was a lot harsher, to the point where someone tripped me, and once hit me. I nearly twisted there arm, but decided not to. It went on, until towards the end, I made new friends, and it all stopped.
But then something very stunning happened that literally broke me. My grandfather has been sick, for years. Leukemia. We thought he was going to die. But he didn't. Not yet, anyways. A week before what I am about to go into, my grandmother and I went to a family party. And she's like a second mother. She was the mother I grew up with. When we got back however, she couldn't speak, or understand us. It wore off.
But then next week, we got a call. My grandmother was dying. At 1 AM, we rushed to the hospital, and stayed all night there. It was a pity, since my day was going great. I was the only grandchild there. We were all crying, or talking about past anecdotes. That sort of thing. I ended up having to go home from a fever, which went away after I slept for 9 hours.
We stayed again. Another night. It was tearing me apart, basically. I know you are all thinking "lol al grndprents di," but she was like a mother equivalent to me.
The next day, she was sent to the dying floor. We had a mini party, the entire 35 member or so family. The next morning, she died.
That week I missed two days of school for the funeral, and I finally formed the monotone, emotionless, cynical shell.
Summer happened again. And I met great friends on Figment who taught me to act older. Now I act older than I'm supposed to apparently. I wasn't touchy on harsh subjects, cursing, or anything. Most of them were older than me, 15-18.
It's not that scary. I accepted them, and even though I was a douche at first, they accepted me. I became part of the community.
I also got a herd of rabbits. Adorable little pests. They all died. Damn cats.
I came into 7th grade. Everyone seemed to grow up, to actually act 13. Although, that meant verbal abuse via students was going to be worse. Of course, I met many friends, and I finally belonged somewhere. I was doing better at school. Although, a few kids finally began calling me "Faggot," and told me I should "Kill myself." I never knew why. I never spoke to any of them. The most I did back was to threaten to twist their arms off so hard, the only thing keeping them attached was the skin. They said it was "Gay." They were idiots, either way.
It did stop after a while. I must have been to quiet, psychotic, or boring for them.
The year went by, I improved on grades, and everything has been generally well.
And now I'm here. Almost 13.
I have more stuff I'd go over, but I spent a half an hour writing this, and I'm just not in the mood, so here's a summary of problems;
I'm a shut in
My mother never bothers to visit me, and I have to call her. She never calls me.
We keep almost losing the house.
The school is threatening us with a fine for my excessive sickness. Oh, did I mention? I have a weak as fuck immune system. 
Some bullying.

Health issues;
Sickly
410/20 vision.
Teeth that we can barely afford. 
I am starting to catch more harsh diseases like pneumonia.
Depression shit

Like I could go over how culture has changed me but meh 2 l@zy

The end. And don't go spouting stuff about you on here.
It's all about me. Let me be selfish for once.
And I could go over more but I'm a lazy son of a bitch.

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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Taeron on Sat Mar 15, 2014 6:22 pm

Robert Frost reference, I see...
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by TrashtheRabbitGod on Sat Mar 15, 2014 7:36 pm

You actually read it? XD

And yes, thank you. I have a lot more, I'd go further on, but ehhhh.

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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Taeron on Sat Mar 15, 2014 8:30 pm

Yeah ;P
You can go on if you like, I don't mind.
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by TrashtheRabbitGod on Sat Mar 15, 2014 8:48 pm

It feels weird considering I'm only 13-14 (I'm going to be 14 soon yay me)and I'm going on about so much.
Some stuff is either personal regarding someone else, or too personal regarding me.
I'll think about some subjects though.

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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Taeron on Sat Mar 15, 2014 9:21 pm

mmk
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by TrashtheRabbitGod on Sat Mar 15, 2014 11:33 pm

The fact that 32 people looked at this scares the fuck out of me.

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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Rayblon on Sun Mar 16, 2014 1:35 am

It's okay. 25 of them are Google bots... Actually, that's probably not okay...

I'll read it tommorow.
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Taeron on Sun Mar 16, 2014 3:06 am

Tomorrow? Didn't know you were so lazy,rayblon
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Rayblon on Sun Mar 16, 2014 1:03 pm

It was late. :L
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Rayblon on Sun Mar 16, 2014 1:49 pm

Read it. I may be able to help with some things(aside from your housing situation).

Firstly, can you summarize your typical diet? Do you take any medication or vitamin supplements? Certain deficiencies can silently butcher your immune system, as can some medications.

You said you were 'sickly' and a 'shut in'. I assume you don't exercise much? You have pets too, correct? If so, what kinds? Any form of exercise causes certain natural processes that can fortify your immune system and improve well being. Being raised around pets introduces you to many inert non - human pathogens that improve immune response.

As for depression, that can be alot of things. It seems like the looking glass self image is at work here though. You have had few friends and get bullied regularly, so your self-perceived worth is lower than it should be as a result.

I won't start using rhetorics to toss you into action that would be detrimental to you. Unlike Taeron, you're a more emotionally and socially sensitive person. You became a shut in because you've associated most other people with emotional pain, whether you know it or not. The depression may have been caused by that, since a lack of positive social interaction can wreak havoc on your brain.

Another possibility for your depression is lack of stimulation. Stimulation is defined as any event, object, or interaction that is novel, or unique. We as humans deprive ourselves of stimulation by creating stagnant and harmful schedules that afford no time for recreation. That's not your problem though. Your schedule should be fine, it's just that you elect to perform recreational activities alone. Perhaps you dislike change/ new things? I was like that once, so I may be able to help.

One last thing, I looked over your autobiography again and, it would seem that you get sick during episodes of excess stress. This is all theoretical, but it IS possibly that it compromises your immune system. Do you tend to get ill when something traumatic happens? 

Please respond. ☆.☆
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Rayblon on Sun Mar 16, 2014 1:52 pm

One MORE thing, love is an irrational emotion. You'll never be a burden to your family because they love you.
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Rayblon on Sun Mar 16, 2014 2:00 pm

Here's a great article that covers the connection between lack of social interaction, high stress, depression, and your immune system. It's a great read if you understand the taxonomy.

http://www.apa.org/research/action/immune.aspx
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Re: Unto existence.

Post by TrashtheRabbitGod on Sun Mar 16, 2014 8:27 pm

Oh no I exercise.
And I'm underweight. XD According to my annoying ass nurse. And the issue is I'm like 6 feet tall sooooo.
But I do weight lifting sooo. (So I'm not a stick armed animal.):3

And yes, I do tend to get sick. But the thing is, I show no pain when a terrible thing happens, like, I keep a straight face. Shrug it off.

And I'm fine currently, which is great. And I'm also a dog-sitter, along with I'm getting a new batch of rabbits soon.

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Re: Unto existence.

Post by Rayblon on Sun Mar 16, 2014 11:39 pm

Stress comes in several varieties, a few of which are subconscious, which may not manifest themselves in a way you can connect the trauma to.. Do you ever suffer from nightmares or bad dreams? Trauma always has an effect on people, and even if you don't outright feel it, it finds ways to bite you in the ass. I know from experience. 

You're actually in the same boat as my best friend, now that I think about it. My best friend is actually prone to social depression, though. Underweight, weak immune system...  If I recall correctly, his parents don't prepare home cooked meals.
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Re: Unto existence.

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